Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Rep. Maxine Waters' Epic Trump Burn Is Her Greatest Yet

BY 

Oh, my Lord. Somebody please come get Representative Maxine Waters. She is out here in these streets, straight ethering the President over his support of Roy Moore and I am currently on life support.

 

Swish swish, though?! Whose been playing Katy Perry in Rep. Waters' office? Let me find out her Spotify End-of-Year playlist is all tracks from Witness and one track from Reputation. When you ask her about it, she leans over and whispers to you, "It's because I live for the drama!" and then cackles.

Let me find out.

Please tell me somebody in Rep. Waters' office was doing this backpack kid dance when Doug Jones was declared the winner. Please tell me it was Chris Hayes. Please tell me Rep. Waters was like "Chris, what's wrong with you? Are you on bath salts?"

I have a lot of questions about this tweeting party.

Representative Waters took to Twitter last night with those old school playground taunts. She pulled out a detail from a New York Times article from last week. That's basically the Jurassic age in internet time. She's like, "You should have been drinking Diet Pepsi, cuz you got the wrong one, baby. Oh yeah."

(This is an old school bop, but it still smacks.)

I read this tweet and immediately burst into flames. This tweet turned me in the The Phoenix. This tweet gave me superpowers and a complicated relationship with Wolverine.

I'm going to team up with Rep. Waters as Storm and save the world.

This tweet is not a burn, it is a blaze. It is a climatological event. Scientists are trying to write this tweet into the Paris Accord.

It won't matter if the FCC is coming for Net Neutrality. There won't be anything left of the internet after Rep. Waters gets through with it. Just laying waste to basics across Al Gore's web.

Of course, Representative Waters wasn't done.

She then turned her gaze to Fox News. It wasn't pretty.

Yikes! There's not mincing words and then there's throwing words, whole, into the pan and watching them sizzle. There's fired up, and then there's Backdraft. There's telling people about themselves, and then there's handing them a signed copy of their unauthorized autobiography and an unfavourable book review of it.

There's so much truth in this tweet I have to lie down. Do you get exhausted from hearing the truth? That's why therapists have couches. You think people want to hear about their self-sabotage in any position except horizontal? They do not. You ever try to life coach someone while standing on the subway? It does not go well and they don't tip you.

Anyway, everyone at Fox News is surely horizontal this morning, because of the tweet and also because they're trying to limbo under the actual stories of the day. I feel like being a Fox News segment producer is like trying to do a complicated crossword all the time. "What's a 10-letter phrase to explain Doug Jones' victory that isn't 'black women?'"

Anyway, the news is that Maxine Waters has gained a new weapon in her arsenal—the 280-word Twitter takedown. And the weather is: It's hot. Because of all of Maxine Waters' burns. And the sports is: Representative Waters stays dunking on these folks. Swish swish.

This article originally appeared on elle.com

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
More From Life and Culture
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below