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Why Yes, I Am Madly Envious of the Kid Who Tugged on Prince Harry's Beard

I am pleased to announce that I have a new nemesis and it is the adorable child who got to touch Prince Harry's beard. It is a known fact that one of my life goals is to give a little tug to Harry's ginger scruff, preferably at an Australian airport. I have been working toward this goal for years and this kid just saunters up and snatches my blessing! This is an international incident.

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2

Plotting fingers!

GETTY IMAGESKARWAI TANG

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2

Going for it!

GETTY IMAGESKARWAI TANG

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2

HONESTLY HOW DARE!

GETTY IMAGESKARWAI TANG

I don't think my heart can take the overwhelming cuteness of this photo. Prince Harry, future zaddy daddy, looks absolutely besotted by this adorable toddler. And the toddler, though you cannot see his face, is clearly thinking, "This is going to give some blogger in America a lot of feelings."

CORRECT, CHILD! IT DOES!

I have never in my life been more envious of a child that wasn't gestated in Beyoncé's womb. I am envious of his li'l fingers! I am envious of his fashionable hat! (I thought gingham was over and yet! Here it is! THRIVING!) I am envious of the way that Prince Harry looks at the kid with a mix of delight and paternal affection! I am envious of this hug!

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESKARWAI TANG

Look at this kid going in for another ginger gesture! This time on the head that probably won't wear the crown! The unmitigated gall! I'm stunned. Can this kid be my life coach?

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Queen of America, are on a 16-day tour of Australia. I am envious of the entire continent. Yesterday, they announced that they were expecting their first child together and I am also envious of this fetus.

Honestly, I am envious of everything that is happening, has happened, or will happen in their vicinity. I am envious of the raindrops that got to touch Prince Harry's shoulders. I am even envious of the raindrops that shot their shot and didn't quite make it.

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESPOOL/SAMIR HUSSEIN

This is the greatest photo that has ever been taken and I'm envious of the photographer. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Queen of America, clinging to each other whilst gazing out from underneath an umbrella is the best rom-com plot I've ever heard. What's that? It's not actually a plot, just an image? No one needs that negativity, Aristotle. Keep it to yourself. 

Other things I am envious of:

This airplane:

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AUSTRALIA-BRITAIN-ROYALS GETTY IMAGESDEAN LEWINS

This baby:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESPOOL/SAMIR HUSSEIN

This dog!!!:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESPOOL/SAMIR HUSSEIN

Meghan's face at the place where Harry's shoulder touches it:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESPOOL/SAMIR HUSSEIN

The concepts of employment, education, leadership, well-being, and sport:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESSAMIR HUSSEIN

This boomerang:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESPOOL/SAMIR HUSSEIN

These very hype Australian women:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2 GETTY IMAGESKARWAI TANG

My own eyes for seeing this:

The Duke And Duchess Of Sussex Visit Australia - Day 2

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