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Kim Kardashian Says Surrogacy Has Been So Much Harder for Me Than My Other Pregnancies

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In just two months or so, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will welcome their third child via surrogate. But the process, Kardashian tells Entertainment Tonight, has been much harder than she imagined. “It is really different,” she started. “Anyone that says or thinks it is just the easy way out is just completely wrong. I think it is so much harder to go through it this way, because you are not really in control. And, you know, obviously you pick someone that you completely trust and that you have a good bond and relationship with, but it is still…knowing that I was able to carry my first two babies and not, you know, my baby now, it’s hard for me. So, it’s definitely a harder experience than I anticipated just in the control area.”‘

“I hated being pregnant and I never thought I’d ever—I thought this was going to be so easy,” Kardashian said. “But you know, even in how much I hated it, if I could do it myself I would have preferred that.”

Kardashian does feel “blessed” that she has the means and there is the technology to do this (a third natural pregnancy could have been life-threatening for her, given her struggles with placenta accreta during her first two deliveries). “But it is still a process that you need to digest,” she said. “Even the fact that it is happening—and you do forget sometimes—because I think when you are pregnant, by the time you have the baby, you are so prepared and so ready, and now I am just like, ‘Oh my God I am going to freak out because I’m not ready and I’m not prepared,’ but it’ll just all come into place.”

This article originally appeared on elle.com